[ Astarion lets himself into Gale's room because he can, because with the ghoul moon gone he's no longer having to ask for invitations. ]
Or do you really want to just let it go and dwell on it while we are on completely different ships out at sea? I'm here now and you have the opportunity to do something about it. I would hate to leave you...frustrated.
[Well that's— something. He wants to protest as Astarion crosses the threshold, but he already knows there's no use. He sighs, making a half-hearted gesture towards the room proper with one hand as he closes the door. Wearily:]
By all means, come in.
[Of course he would ramble and say too much even in note form. He huffs softly, folding his arms across his chest.]
It was all the influence of the Ghoul Moon, yes? [Maybe not all. The biting, certainly, and for Gale's part, some champagne had been involved, but that couldn't be all it was, or else he wouldn't be feeling out of sorts now.] I can't possible seem the pining sort to you.
[He makes a sound somewhere between a scoff and an indignant snort. Alright, maybe he does have pining priors, but this— this is different, this was not... that.]
I'll admit, I did not use my better judgment in writing that. I was— perplexed.
[Gale "Smooth Enough For Two" Dekarios, knocking it out of the park.]
We shared a bit more than a bite, as you'll recall. I haven't been that close to someone in quite some time.
[He'd already felt vulnerable, given the subject at hand, but the sweep of Astarion's gaze makes him feel even moreso.
His arms pull just a bit tighter across his chest, as though that will help.]
It was...
[It's not often that words do fail him. He usually has them in abundance, but of course when he would most like to be eloquent, he stumbles. Naturally, that would be the way of it.]
[Soft and gentle, perhaps, but Gale senses sharp cunning behind them, as with most things Astarion does. Still... he supposes it's a fair question. Curiosity, he imagines. He's only ever spoken of one partner to his companions— though for more years than he can count, she had been the only partner that mattered to him.]
It may surprise you to hear that yes, I have.
[He can't help sounding a little defensive, but his shoulders drop slightly as he forces himself to soften.]
More than one, though it has been quite some time, admittedly.
[ Astarion isn't sure how he feels about that answer. Because if was one thing if the enlightening experience was that he had learned maybe he was a little bit bi. But it was something else entirely--something dangerous, something terrifying--if what Gale had learned was that he wanted Astarion.
Of course Astarion knows people want him for his body. But he gets the sense this isn't that at all. Gale has been ignoring his advances the entire time he knew him. ]
Good for you! I would hate to hear that your life experience was lacking.
[If it were only about the physical aspect, there had been no shortage of opportunities— Astarion had been a flirt since day one, and while Gale had dismissed his advances, it would have been a lie to say he hadn't noticed how attractive his friend just happened to be. His mind had been on other things— and admittedly, he's never been a physical first sort of fellow, something that he knew they differed on greatly.
Astarion's response might be some sort of deflection, but it brings some much-needed levity to the moment. Gale can't help but be grateful for that.]
I feel my experiences have served to make me a rather well-rounded individual, thank you very much, though if you were hoping to have been the one to lead me to that particular discovery, I'm sorry to disappoint. I've always been an... open-minded sort, in that regard.
[Which means the 'enlightenment' was definitely about something more personal.]
Oh don't worry, darling, I'm sure there is still plenty I could teach you.
[ like sure he's not a goddess of magic but he's very very good at sex.
And anyways it's better than the implication hanging between them. He should address that. Make it clear where they stand. But Gale already knew he was fucking around, right? So why should he have to state the obvious?
He may have played himself by coming here. ]
It's going to be strange, working on separate sides.
[Astarion has a couple of centuries on him, for starters. The smile he'd begun to let creep across his face vanishes almost as quickly as it had appeared, his expression somber.
He's thought the same thing, even before last night's... efforts.]
It certainly will be. You've had some time here without me already, but... I've become accustomed to traveling in your company. Of course, there's no rule saying we can't collaborate from time-to-time.
[Right. He clears his throat softly, a touch uncertain.]
There is that, yes. I— wouldn't want to intrude.
[He doesn't know the extensive details of Astarion's personal life, but he's made his business with Xenk very clear, and Xenk himself has spoken of a certain level of devotion that makes Gale hesitant to tread on toes— not to mention his own feelings on such matters.
[ Astarion laughs as if the suggestion is ridiculous. ]
Do you think he -- that we -- no, no it's not like that at all.
[ Besides, Astarion had whatever he had with...
Tav.
It occurs to him for the first time that there might be consequences to his actions. (Amazing, I know.) That the strength of the intimacy he'd shared with people like Xenk and Fenris wasn't something that began and ended with him, but might be something that would effect Tav. That Gale says he doesn't want to intrude is just a mere hint of what might be said, if Tav knew. Of course they'd kept whatever they had open but...
Was it wrong? What he was doing? Could he hurt someone this way?
That thought is immediately shut down. No. Absolutely not. And if anyone got hurt because they fucked around with him, then they were simply finding out. He'd been very honest about the fact he would end up hurting everyone in his life, anyway. He'd been honest about his past. About his circumstance. About the way he'd used sex. And sure he technically hadn't fessed up to Tav that he was just using them, but that's all it had been.
How it had started.
Still was, wasn't it?
Well, it hardly mattered now. He'd known Xenk longer than he'd known Tav anyway.
So, that was that.
Yes, this is flawless logic. Wow! He is so smart when it comes to sex! ]
I told you before, he's fun. But he's hardly beholden to me, or I to him. Can you imagine? Me? Tied down? Perish the thought.
[Once more, he sounds a bit defensive. It's difficult not to when the person you're speaking to repeatedly laughs at what you say, though he certainly sees Astarion's point.
No, he doesn't see Astarion tying himself down to anyone, though that doesn't mean other parties can't be hurt in the process.]
These things can be very complex. I hardly know the details of your relationship, aside from the one part you've both made painfully clear. Even if it's 'just fun,' I...
[He huffs softly, annoyed that his words won't come as easily as he'd like. He never has this trouble in any other situation.]
[But this isn't really about Xenk, aside from the fact that Gale wants to take care not to cross certain boundaries. That includes Astarion's— and given how greatly their perspectives differ in this area, he ought to proceed with caution.
For the best, really, that he doesn't seem quite so able to ramble now as he usually is.]
You're my friend, as well. I— wouldn't want to ruin that. [Even as he says so, he looks conflicted, disappointed. He's never been good at masking his emotions. Never much been one for trying to do so.] I suppose that does settle things.
[ there's a teasing note to it like Gale has just fessed up to something he shouldn't have, but that's mostly because Astarion is bad with feelings and is actually kind of touched to hear Gale say it so plainly. Friends...he's never really had any of those. It's nice. ]
Sex isn't going to ruin anything. But we're clearly speaking to cross purposes. Your concern is that you want something more than that.
[ it's plain to him to see, really. Sometimes the people he'd seduced for Cazador wanted sex, but a lot of them wanted more than that. They wanted emotions and kindness and someone to care about them. They'd wanted the way he said their names like it was all that mattered.
And sure, he could pretend for Gale. But it wouldn't be real. ]
I don't think I can give you what you're looking for. Not honestly, and after everything you deserve more than that.
[ His words surprise him a little as he says them. Normally he would simply argue no one deserves his honesty or anything else from him. But perhaps he had come to care for Gale more than he realized. ]
[Teasing though Astarion may be, there's a somber note in Gale's own voice— friends was not such a bad thing to be, given all they've been through, though to be 'friends' with him the way Xenk seems to...
Does he even have that in him? He's never done it before. More than that, he knows himself. Knows that jealousy might very well rear its ugly head despite his best efforts.]
I don't have the right to ask you for more than you're willing to offer.
[Astarion, too, has been through more than his fair share.]
[ Astarion agrees, but there's no bite to it. It's an acknowledgment of something important, an acknowledgment of his own freedom, but also the fact that Gale sees it too. Hidden somewhere in it is gratitude, for that fact.
What he's more unsure about is Gale's question. It does seem a shame not to get to know him better in that way. But Astarion is no man's boyfriend, and Gale is interested in a level of domesticity he can't even begin to imagine. He thinks for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully. Not to just pick the words he knows would make Gale happy, but to find some that bridge the gap between what both of them are trying to get at. ]
You have to understand that I cannot belong to one person. After everything, I think I deserve a bit of time to find myself. Even if that means finding my way into the beds of others. Giving myself up to someone entirely rather defeats the point.
[ But it's more than that. There's a deeper honesty he's not sure he wants to tell Gale, but Gale is looking at him like that, all disappointed and needy and a touch pathetic which, when all wrapped up together, is unfortunately quite compelling. ]
Look, [ the word comes out like this confession is being dragged out of him against his better judgment, with a dash of wanting to simply get this over and not have to talk about his feelings every again ] I barely know who I am. Back home, I'd only just gotten out from underneath Cazador's control, and all I could think about was revenge. It's frustrating, being taken from that goal but the longer I'm here, I have an opportunity I wouldn't have had otherwise. To learn. To grow. And I can't do that if I just fall into your arms. Tempting as they may be.
[ It's not like he's never thought about it, after all. He could've easily tried to play Gale instead of Tav. And Gale was such a hopeless romantic, it probably would have been easier. ]
All of this to say, I wouldn't mind exploring things with you, but I am not ready to commit myself to any one person. I don't know that I ever will be.
[It is a great deal to process, but for as good as Gale often is at talking, he can be just as good at listening, as well. He's patient, allowing Astarion to speak without interruption, nodding here and there when he finds himself compelled to agree with an especially important point. All of that is very true, and perhaps that means they are fundamentally mismatched— but it would be a lie to say that he hadn't considered what it might be like to kiss Astarion long before the masquerade, among other things. He may have spent time among the divine, but he himself remains only human— and had been even when he'd still possessed the greatest of his powers.
He is slow to respond, wanting to choose his words with care. He doesn't wish to make demands, or for the man in front of him to feel unheard, but somewhere in all of this, it seems there must be room for some sort of compromise. It's clear what he'll have to be willing to give; he would need to be flexible, to find a way to make peace with the fact that a potential partner wouldn't be able to be exclusive with him, but he had hardly been about to ask Astarion to move back to Waterdeep with him or some such nonsense.
There was something here to be explored, as the vampire had put it.]
I agree. You deserve to explore your freedom and use the opportunity you've been given as you see fit. I would never mean to imply otherwise, I only... [He halts, frowning slightly.] I have never been terribly good at sharing. If it were to be strictly physical, I don't know that I could convince myself. If it were more than that— just a bit, mind you— then I think I could learn, though it may take me some time, as well.
[He's not asking for the moon. Only the faintest glimmer of hope that there might be feeling involved for both parties.]
You deserve to be happy. I know that giving yourself up would swiftly lead to the opposite of that.
We're friends, as you said. Is that not "a bit" more than emotionless sex?
[ The last thing he wants to do is start talking about his feelings. Even the idea of committing to having sex with a person more than once was new to him, although it was becoming a more frequent occurrence than he ever would have expected. ]
And we certainly have more in common than most. Not just with the tadpoles. I've fought at your side. I've trusted you and your magic with my life.
[There's a halting quality to his words, heavy with consideration. It is more than he'd expected from Astarion, but not necessarily what he wants for himself— that, however, is something he knows is absolutely not on the table, not with the present company, and not something he considers himself in a place to seek out at the moment, regardless.
Astarion does have the right of it, however. 'Friends' doesn't quite seem a big enough word for what they are, interests and other feelings aside. They've been through things that no one else will ever share with them, aside from their closest companions back home, and even then, bickering and all, he and Astarion had a better rapport than most.]
I'd just want to know it meant... something. [He puts a hand up, quickly.] Not that I'm asking you to talk about that in any sort of depth. I know. But all of that... I suppose that means that it might?
[He knows Astarion doesn't care for the discussion of feelings, and he won't demand it of him, but he can't help where his own interests lie. He knows who he is.]
[ The longer this goes on, the more Astarion feels like a butterfly being pinned to a box to be put on display. He desperately wants to leave this conversation. Every fiber of his being tells him to simply run, that if he's not going to just lie and give Gale what he wants, then there is no point to staying.
He had come here to tease Gale, not to be cornered into this conversation. He plays with letter in his hand, a nervous fidgeting as he tries to convince himself to stay even through Gale's scrutiny. The more he says, the less he wants to be here.
It would be so easy to just lie and say that of course he has feelings for him and of course it would mean the world to him to have a relationship with him. It would make all of this stop, which is presently what Astarion wants more than anything.
But it wouldn't be right.
Still, even every time Tav would ask what they were to each other, Astarion would simply tell them he didn't know and it didn't matter. That what they had was fun and nice and wasn't that enough. What Gale is asking for is more than he's given even their leader. ]
I don't--[ his voice catches in frustration and he stops and tries to clear it before starting again ] I don't know. [ and then, hurriedly:] Yes, I suppose. That's why I said those things.
[ He should just go, he thinks. There's still time to simply run away. For both of their sakes. Before this gets messy. Before they get entangled. ]
Gale, I...
[ I'm out of my depth, I don't want to talk about this, it's too much, please--
The desire to lie wars with the notion of what's right and they both fight up against the flight response. It's too much. He doesn't like being good. It's far too complicated, doing the right thing. He wasn't cut out for this. ]
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[ Astarion lets himself into Gale's room because he can, because with the ghoul moon gone he's no longer having to ask for invitations. ]
Or do you really want to just let it go and dwell on it while we are on completely different ships out at sea? I'm here now and you have the opportunity to do something about it. I would hate to leave you...frustrated.
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By all means, come in.
[Of course he would ramble and say too much even in note form. He huffs softly, folding his arms across his chest.]
It was all the influence of the Ghoul Moon, yes? [Maybe not all. The biting, certainly, and for Gale's part, some champagne had been involved, but that couldn't be all it was, or else he wouldn't be feeling out of sorts now.] I can't possible seem the pining sort to you.
[He is 100% the pining sort. See: Mystra.]
There's no need to complicate things.
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Oh, you meant that seriously?
[ I mean of course he knows he did but of course he's going to call attention to it. ]
What's your excuse for the letter, then? Let's hear it. I'm sure it'll be just as hilarious.
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I'll admit, I did not use my better judgment in writing that. I was— perplexed.
[Gale "Smooth Enough For Two" Dekarios, knocking it out of the park.]
We shared a bit more than a bite, as you'll recall. I haven't been that close to someone in quite some time.
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[ he lets his eyes sweep over Gale, sizing him up. Enjoying the sight of him. Undressing him a little with his eyes? Maybe. ]
Don't let your words fail you now. What did you think about it?
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His arms pull just a bit tighter across his chest, as though that will help.]
It was...
[It's not often that words do fail him. He usually has them in abundance, but of course when he would most like to be eloquent, he stumbles. Naturally, that would be the way of it.]
Enlightening, shall we say. Or seemed so to me.
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Have you ever been with a man before, Gale?
[ there's no judgment, it's more that he assumes that Gale has only ever been with Mystra. ]
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It may surprise you to hear that yes, I have.
[He can't help sounding a little defensive, but his shoulders drop slightly as he forces himself to soften.]
More than one, though it has been quite some time, admittedly.
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Of course Astarion knows people want him for his body. But he gets the sense this isn't that at all. Gale has been ignoring his advances the entire time he knew him. ]
Good for you! I would hate to hear that your life experience was lacking.
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Astarion's response might be some sort of deflection, but it brings some much-needed levity to the moment. Gale can't help but be grateful for that.]
I feel my experiences have served to make me a rather well-rounded individual, thank you very much, though if you were hoping to have been the one to lead me to that particular discovery, I'm sorry to disappoint. I've always been an... open-minded sort, in that regard.
[Which means the 'enlightenment' was definitely about something more personal.]
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[ like sure he's not a goddess of magic but he's very very good at sex.
And anyways it's better than the implication hanging between them. He should address that. Make it clear where they stand. But Gale already knew he was fucking around, right? So why should he have to state the obvious?
He may have played himself by coming here. ]
It's going to be strange, working on separate sides.
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I've no doubt there is.
[Astarion has a couple of centuries on him, for starters. The smile he'd begun to let creep across his face vanishes almost as quickly as it had appeared, his expression somber.
He's thought the same thing, even before last night's... efforts.]
It certainly will be. You've had some time here without me already, but... I've become accustomed to traveling in your company. Of course, there's no rule saying we can't collaborate from time-to-time.
[Or... fraternize, if they so choose.]
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Collaborate, if you will.
[ he's gotta make it sexual. ]
Even still, I had almost gotten used to the sound of your obnoxiously loud snoring before I was brought here.
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There is that, yes. I— wouldn't want to intrude.
[He doesn't know the extensive details of Astarion's personal life, but he's made his business with Xenk very clear, and Xenk himself has spoken of a certain level of devotion that makes Gale hesitant to tread on toes— not to mention his own feelings on such matters.
Wait a moment—]
I didn't think I snored that loudly!
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[ Astarion laughs as if the suggestion is ridiculous. ]
Do you think he -- that we -- no, no it's not like that at all.
[ Besides, Astarion had whatever he had with...
Tav.
It occurs to him for the first time that there might be consequences to his actions. (Amazing, I know.) That the strength of the intimacy he'd shared with people like Xenk and Fenris wasn't something that began and ended with him, but might be something that would effect Tav. That Gale says he doesn't want to intrude is just a mere hint of what might be said, if Tav knew. Of course they'd kept whatever they had open but...
Was it wrong? What he was doing? Could he hurt someone this way?
That thought is immediately shut down. No. Absolutely not. And if anyone got hurt because they fucked around with him, then they were simply finding out. He'd been very honest about the fact he would end up hurting everyone in his life, anyway. He'd been honest about his past. About his circumstance. About the way he'd used sex. And sure he technically hadn't fessed up to Tav that he was just using them, but that's all it had been.
How it had started.
Still was, wasn't it?
Well, it hardly mattered now. He'd known Xenk longer than he'd known Tav anyway.
So, that was that.
Yes, this is flawless logic. Wow! He is so smart when it comes to sex! ]
I told you before, he's fun. But he's hardly beholden to me, or I to him. Can you imagine? Me? Tied down? Perish the thought.
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[Once more, he sounds a bit defensive. It's difficult not to when the person you're speaking to repeatedly laughs at what you say, though he certainly sees Astarion's point.
No, he doesn't see Astarion tying himself down to anyone, though that doesn't mean other parties can't be hurt in the process.]
These things can be very complex. I hardly know the details of your relationship, aside from the one part you've both made painfully clear. Even if it's 'just fun,' I...
[He huffs softly, annoyed that his words won't come as easily as he'd like. He never has this trouble in any other situation.]
I've never been a 'just fun' sort of person.
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[ He's more still, quieter now, like he's being more serious. He doesn't want to be misunderstood with this.
As to the rest, he shrugs and takes a step back. He'd been close to tease him a bit but he knows when to back off. ]
Then that settles that, doesn't it?
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[But this isn't really about Xenk, aside from the fact that Gale wants to take care not to cross certain boundaries. That includes Astarion's— and given how greatly their perspectives differ in this area, he ought to proceed with caution.
For the best, really, that he doesn't seem quite so able to ramble now as he usually is.]
You're my friend, as well. I— wouldn't want to ruin that. [Even as he says so, he looks conflicted, disappointed. He's never been good at masking his emotions. Never much been one for trying to do so.] I suppose that does settle things.
[But it doesn't feel settled. He frowns.]
Perhaps we're both disappointed.
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[ there's a teasing note to it like Gale has just fessed up to something he shouldn't have, but that's mostly because Astarion is bad with feelings and is actually kind of touched to hear Gale say it so plainly. Friends...he's never really had any of those. It's nice. ]
Sex isn't going to ruin anything. But we're clearly speaking to cross purposes. Your concern is that you want something more than that.
[ it's plain to him to see, really. Sometimes the people he'd seduced for Cazador wanted sex, but a lot of them wanted more than that. They wanted emotions and kindness and someone to care about them. They'd wanted the way he said their names like it was all that mattered.
And sure, he could pretend for Gale. But it wouldn't be real. ]
I don't think I can give you what you're looking for. Not honestly, and after everything you deserve more than that.
[ His words surprise him a little as he says them. Normally he would simply argue no one deserves his honesty or anything else from him. But perhaps he had come to care for Gale more than he realized. ]
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[Teasing though Astarion may be, there's a somber note in Gale's own voice— friends was not such a bad thing to be, given all they've been through, though to be 'friends' with him the way Xenk seems to...
Does he even have that in him? He's never done it before. More than that, he knows himself. Knows that jealousy might very well rear its ugly head despite his best efforts.]
I don't have the right to ask you for more than you're willing to offer.
[Astarion, too, has been through more than his fair share.]
But it does seem a terrible shame, doesn't it?
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[ Astarion agrees, but there's no bite to it. It's an acknowledgment of something important, an acknowledgment of his own freedom, but also the fact that Gale sees it too. Hidden somewhere in it is gratitude, for that fact.
What he's more unsure about is Gale's question. It does seem a shame not to get to know him better in that way. But Astarion is no man's boyfriend, and Gale is interested in a level of domesticity he can't even begin to imagine. He thinks for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully. Not to just pick the words he knows would make Gale happy, but to find some that bridge the gap between what both of them are trying to get at. ]
You have to understand that I cannot belong to one person. After everything, I think I deserve a bit of time to find myself. Even if that means finding my way into the beds of others. Giving myself up to someone entirely rather defeats the point.
[ But it's more than that. There's a deeper honesty he's not sure he wants to tell Gale, but Gale is looking at him like that, all disappointed and needy and a touch pathetic which, when all wrapped up together, is unfortunately quite compelling. ]
Look, [ the word comes out like this confession is being dragged out of him against his better judgment, with a dash of wanting to simply get this over and not have to talk about his feelings every again ] I barely know who I am. Back home, I'd only just gotten out from underneath Cazador's control, and all I could think about was revenge. It's frustrating, being taken from that goal but the longer I'm here, I have an opportunity I wouldn't have had otherwise. To learn. To grow. And I can't do that if I just fall into your arms. Tempting as they may be.
[ It's not like he's never thought about it, after all. He could've easily tried to play Gale instead of Tav. And Gale was such a hopeless romantic, it probably would have been easier. ]
All of this to say, I wouldn't mind exploring things with you, but I am not ready to commit myself to any one person. I don't know that I ever will be.
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He is slow to respond, wanting to choose his words with care. He doesn't wish to make demands, or for the man in front of him to feel unheard, but somewhere in all of this, it seems there must be room for some sort of compromise. It's clear what he'll have to be willing to give; he would need to be flexible, to find a way to make peace with the fact that a potential partner wouldn't be able to be exclusive with him, but he had hardly been about to ask Astarion to move back to Waterdeep with him or some such nonsense.
There was something here to be explored, as the vampire had put it.]
I agree. You deserve to explore your freedom and use the opportunity you've been given as you see fit. I would never mean to imply otherwise, I only... [He halts, frowning slightly.] I have never been terribly good at sharing. If it were to be strictly physical, I don't know that I could convince myself. If it were more than that— just a bit, mind you— then I think I could learn, though it may take me some time, as well.
[He's not asking for the moon. Only the faintest glimmer of hope that there might be feeling involved for both parties.]
You deserve to be happy. I know that giving yourself up would swiftly lead to the opposite of that.
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[ The last thing he wants to do is start talking about his feelings. Even the idea of committing to having sex with a person more than once was new to him, although it was becoming a more frequent occurrence than he ever would have expected. ]
And we certainly have more in common than most. Not just with the tadpoles. I've fought at your side. I've trusted you and your magic with my life.
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[There's a halting quality to his words, heavy with consideration. It is more than he'd expected from Astarion, but not necessarily what he wants for himself— that, however, is something he knows is absolutely not on the table, not with the present company, and not something he considers himself in a place to seek out at the moment, regardless.
Astarion does have the right of it, however. 'Friends' doesn't quite seem a big enough word for what they are, interests and other feelings aside. They've been through things that no one else will ever share with them, aside from their closest companions back home, and even then, bickering and all, he and Astarion had a better rapport than most.]
I'd just want to know it meant... something. [He puts a hand up, quickly.] Not that I'm asking you to talk about that in any sort of depth. I know. But all of that... I suppose that means that it might?
[He knows Astarion doesn't care for the discussion of feelings, and he won't demand it of him, but he can't help where his own interests lie. He knows who he is.]
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He had come here to tease Gale, not to be cornered into this conversation. He plays with letter in his hand, a nervous fidgeting as he tries to convince himself to stay even through Gale's scrutiny. The more he says, the less he wants to be here.
It would be so easy to just lie and say that of course he has feelings for him and of course it would mean the world to him to have a relationship with him. It would make all of this stop, which is presently what Astarion wants more than anything.
But it wouldn't be right.
Still, even every time Tav would ask what they were to each other, Astarion would simply tell them he didn't know and it didn't matter. That what they had was fun and nice and wasn't that enough. What Gale is asking for is more than he's given even their leader. ]
I don't--[ his voice catches in frustration and he stops and tries to clear it before starting again ] I don't know. [ and then, hurriedly:] Yes, I suppose. That's why I said those things.
[ He should just go, he thinks. There's still time to simply run away. For both of their sakes. Before this gets messy. Before they get entangled. ]
Gale, I...
[ I'm out of my depth, I don't want to talk about this, it's too much, please--
The desire to lie wars with the notion of what's right and they both fight up against the flight response. It's too much. He doesn't like being good. It's far too complicated, doing the right thing. He wasn't cut out for this. ]
Maybe you were right. About not ruining things.
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wrapping this one up for us! 💖